Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Resolve.


Okay, so I’ve had an off season. It didn’t begin with the intention of becoming an “off season” but its strange metamorphosis from a quick break to me becoming a “non runner” has left me questioning my resolve and reason for running in the first place. This took some time to ponder I decided…However, three weeks later I found the answers were irrelevant as I’d somehow forgotten the question! I was now a sedentary middle aged man, happy to have a six pack and watch the footy...or was I?
More time past and I tried to be content with just being a “Dude” I was now convinced that I’d somehow pigeon-holed myself into being only a runner. So again I tried to swim with the stream of conformity, willing myself to watch “Master Chef”, and “Who’s Got Talent?” yes, every cringe worthy moment of it.

Then I remembered the question, “my resolve” :It had toppled like dominos, a big metaphorical finger pushed the first domino “goals” It fell into “ambition” that smashed into “motivation” who knocked over “passion” who hit the last domino…”fun”
This all sounds very bad, I know, but wait.
Somewhere in me a longing for something was brewing, it was unclear and trying to name it seemed impossible, although I suspect it had something to do with running.
Then I came upon this poem:

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived.” -Henry David Thoreau


That sums it up more eloquently than I could. Running to me is living, truly living. Try to run up a big hill and you’ll see what I mean. I once devised a system to rate a hills length in “dog years” because struggling on a hill puts you right in the moment, an agonizing moment it may be, but it’s real. The same can not be said for all the blended nights I’ve spent in front of a TV.

Armed with this new realization I’m putting the metaphoric dominos back up, and swatting the hand that tipped them to begin with.

Tonight is going to be cold, and raining, and real. Time to lace up.